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Okay. So, things suck.
Aug. 8th, 2019 09:24 pmI lost my sister on July 24th, my grandmother’s birthday if she were still with us. Six days after my brother’s birthday, if he was still with us.
I’m alone. My original two birth siblings are gone. Just my step siblings, now, who all live far away and have their own lives.
I’m not all right. I’m not. Just managing some semblance of “all right” is going to take months. Maybe years. I adored my sister, her problems were complicated, and there wasn’t enough I could offer or actually do to help her, and there’s just this enormous hole in the middle of everything that I feel has swallowed me up ever since my dad gave me the news of her passing.
I’m struggling because my divorce court date is this month on August 20th. Hugo has been sympathetic, but he still wants to roll full-speed ahead with this. He has been by the house more often to do things like taking the kids out or bringing them food, and he gives me hugs, but he still leaves and goes home to his girlfriend. Or rather, his fiancée, since he plans to marry her. Probably quickly, now that I have responded to his papers by serving him with my own. We have a year to keep the house, provided that the judge agrees with me, and he has to help pay for the mortgage until our daughter is no longer a minor. Then, we sell it, he takes his half of the proceeds and runs off into the sunset and happily ever after with the woman he let break up our marriage. And I try to find an apartment that I will scarcely be able to afford on my salary until I can move back east to be closer to my parents. The future was already dismal, but it’s ten times worse without my sister in it.
I just want things to not suck for a while. I just want to get caught up. Pay off bills. No more busted air conditioning in my house or car repairs. No more deaths in the family for a while. No more ugly announcements. Maybe hang out with some friends outside of work and have a glass of wine or just a cup of coffee. Hanging out with my kids without worrying so much about where I will be in a year, or the fact that my husband thinks they are so much better off if they come to live with him, even though he left.
Hope y’all are doing better than I am.
I’m alone. My original two birth siblings are gone. Just my step siblings, now, who all live far away and have their own lives.
I’m not all right. I’m not. Just managing some semblance of “all right” is going to take months. Maybe years. I adored my sister, her problems were complicated, and there wasn’t enough I could offer or actually do to help her, and there’s just this enormous hole in the middle of everything that I feel has swallowed me up ever since my dad gave me the news of her passing.
I’m struggling because my divorce court date is this month on August 20th. Hugo has been sympathetic, but he still wants to roll full-speed ahead with this. He has been by the house more often to do things like taking the kids out or bringing them food, and he gives me hugs, but he still leaves and goes home to his girlfriend. Or rather, his fiancée, since he plans to marry her. Probably quickly, now that I have responded to his papers by serving him with my own. We have a year to keep the house, provided that the judge agrees with me, and he has to help pay for the mortgage until our daughter is no longer a minor. Then, we sell it, he takes his half of the proceeds and runs off into the sunset and happily ever after with the woman he let break up our marriage. And I try to find an apartment that I will scarcely be able to afford on my salary until I can move back east to be closer to my parents. The future was already dismal, but it’s ten times worse without my sister in it.
I just want things to not suck for a while. I just want to get caught up. Pay off bills. No more busted air conditioning in my house or car repairs. No more deaths in the family for a while. No more ugly announcements. Maybe hang out with some friends outside of work and have a glass of wine or just a cup of coffee. Hanging out with my kids without worrying so much about where I will be in a year, or the fact that my husband thinks they are so much better off if they come to live with him, even though he left.
Hope y’all are doing better than I am.
